Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is my gift to your gina
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
