I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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