i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
