why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
