I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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