that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
