you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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