I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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