two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
