i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So many bounce houses so little time
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
