Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
