Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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