I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
