Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
People in love make me want to vomit
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize