pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
