Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
