Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
