Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You are the jesus of drinking
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
