I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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