Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
