just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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