Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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