Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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