I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
