ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
