You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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