Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
