So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
