Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
