dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
