I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
