I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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