I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
