omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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