i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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