Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
