I got chris browned last night
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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