Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
