do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
