There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
