I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
