That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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