i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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