I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His hands were made for my vagina.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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