i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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