oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
