omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
