question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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