I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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