So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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