i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
