i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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