when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
