Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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