It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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