Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
