K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
