There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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