this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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