Moan for me like Helen Keller
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
