i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
