I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
