I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
