Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
