ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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