I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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