I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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