Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
