I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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