You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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