Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
