well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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