jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
