You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You've changed since you got that strap on
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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